July 11, 2012 11:49pm
"Truth be told, I've always had a feeling that mentally, I was never 'there', and in fact, was always crazy."
A lot of individuals continuously ask me based on how I present myself if I'm crazy, and my response is, "I can be". Understanding the true definition of what crazy means will give you a better sense of how crazy I truly am. Here's a few definitions for you to look over,
"cra·zy"
[krey-zee] Show IPA adjective, cra·zi·er, cra·zi·est, noun, plural cra·zies.adjective
1.mentally deranged; demented; insane.
2.senseless; impractical; totally unsound: a crazy scheme.
3. Informal . intensely enthusiastic4. Informal- very enamored or infatuated
5. Informal- intensely anxious or eager; impatient
So, now that I've given you an understanding of what crazy means, I am happy to admit that I've always been crazy, whether it be the first definition or the fifth. You see, as a child my view on many different situations were much different from my family and even some of my peers. Even as a class clown, I stood out as different because I would be totally aware of the information that my teachers gave me. I would joke, fall asleep in class, draw, write short stories and poems, and even remix songs all in my mind. I never understood exactly how simple thoughts such as these will allow me to be totally separated from my peers when I was in elementary and middle school. However, all of my teachers would complain to my mother saying that I was exceptional, yet, I didn't have the grades to prove that. Unfortunately, I've never taken the advantage of bringing out my full potential, especially once I moved to Hampton, VA in the summer of 2002.
I was a chill individual, but I still managed to be that class clown in ninth grade at Bethel High School. Although I was funny, it was always some type of method to my madness. I used comedy as a way to cover up my understanding about many different aspects of life, such as crushes, the future, the present, etc. I forced myself to suppress my innate abilities, and also to avoid being put on the spot for what I was capable of, which was art. Being shy was a task that I could cover up easily by acting out of character, or even showing a different side of me.
During the rest of my high school years, I slowly started to show sides of myself that many of my peers weren't used to. At Hampton High in my senior year, I did the talent show and decided to sing a Jamie Foxx song that was dedicated to his grandmother who passed away. When I went up to sing, the mic and the music was messing up, and I got booed. That pissed me off, and so I decided to go out again and sing a different song, and finally caught attention of the audience. Many people were astounded at me singing that they complimented me after the show. After that, many people wondered about what I could do. Yet, I still compressed my abilities to do music, art, poetry, etc.
Now, I understand that it seems confusing on how this can simply relate to my craziness, and it is perfectly aligned with everything I've already told you so far. It's simple: I'm not one person and I understand that I'm more than one person. You get the picture now? In case you don't, I'm a lyricist, poet, artist (musically and visually), I have the ability to act, I'm intelligent, yet I always do multiple things backwards, and I've grown to accept that. Plus, I'm a random person. But, that all part of my creative being. I've been blessed with multiple blessings, and what I've done is suppress myself to be as simple as the next person, and then, allow myself to expand when need be to give an element of surprise to those who've underestimated me in my past. I've done it out of doubt when I was younger, but now, I feel obligated to myself and God that when the time comes, I will show the enhanced version of my mindstate and my creativity.
MAYBE, JUST MAYBE, YOU STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY AND HOW I AM CRAZY. THE DEFINITIONS SPEAK FOR THEMSELVES. I'M GIVING YOU AN OPPORTUNITY TO GRASP A PIECE OF MY MIND AND TRY AND ANALYZE THE LOGIC BEHIND IT. YOU'LL SEE HOW MUCH SENSE THIS LITTLE BLOG MAKES AT THE END OF THE DAY.
No comments:
Post a Comment