Why I Want to Make Relationships Work and Last

July 20, 2012-1:27am

"Love comes naturally because we have that innate blessing to love.  It's the foundation and the work behind building it that we fail to work towards."

      To be perfectly honest, I'm a lover, not a fighter in relationships.  I'll be the one that would iron out the problems in order to bring out the best in her.  I'm the guy who will find a way to make things happen.  I'm the dude that will prove what I feel as I'm explaining to my lady that I'm in this for US.  When I look at love from my perspective, I see a physical connection, bonding, and physical understanding that I'm looking for initially.  However, I think a little bit ahead of what I'm looking for on the physical level and dive in depth towards the spiritual and mental connections that relationships lack now-a-days.

     Have you just imagined how things would be with a fitting lover, flaws and all?  Have you ever wondered what it would feel like to have arguments, followed by a conclusion from both parties?  What about when you look at her staring in the mirror pointing out her flaws, or him not wanting to show emotions, what do you think about your significant other?  These are parts of relationships that we forget to even pay attention to.  We're quick to want the good at all times, but never want the disagreements and flaws to surface.

     I feel that with relationships, it's a emotional factor that takes place.  I believe that the spiritual connection and the emotional aspect of the relationship brings a total connection to what's already mentally and physically expected of each other.  You see, I look at the work as a potential modern day skyscraper.  These buildings are magnificently structured in the blueprint, and further constructed day by day.  It may take years to get the project to be completed, and the labor may be strenuous, but it will be complete.  Once it's completed, the thought behind the management of the building will take place right after.  So throughout this process, you constantly are in work for building a successful relationship and maintaining it.  

     Another thing that comes to mind is the concept of love.  Looking at love, I see three times the amount of love needing to be poured into the relationship cement.   Love (with Faith), love (in self), then love (in the significant other).  I don't think it's possible to truly be in a relationship without these love components.  Many people don't even love themselves, and yet want to love another.  It doesn't quite work that way.  Same ideas goes with having no faithful love.  How can you love without having love in faith.  (For those who don't understand what faith is referring to, it's referring to faith in God, faith in conquering the trials and tribulations that make relationships battle tested.)  So without self love and faithful love, I wouldn't expect the relationship to last but as long as the batteries in the remote controller to change the T.V.

     For my situations, I've had a few unfortunate endings to the relationships.  Although the relationships didn't last, I've gotten the options to look within myself, and see what I could've done right on her behalf.  I review the chapter before reading the next chapter in love.  I also talk to female friends to get more insight on the overall basic necessities that women may be looking for.  Then I compare the necessities of each female and find the mediums that deem to be true.  Once I find out the necessary information I need to become a better lover, I don't force the next move.  Knowing that the perfect timing can make the foundation much easier to iron out.  So with that being understood, I hope that as people, we can take the opportunity to allow relationships to manifest from within and be exerted into the core of the relationship.  From there, the relationship can be limitless.

      

Food For Thought pt. 2- What Matters to Me

July 19, 2012 - 1:33am

"When I think of questions like, 'What matters to me,' I think of the little things and then move up to the most important blessing- the blessing of living."

I'm giving you part two to my food for thought blog, and as I write it, I'll just say that I do appreciate those who feel as if I'm giving great insight on a more positive perspective of life, and I hope and pray that I'm able to elevate in this experience as well as you all.  Thank you and much love and respect ladies and gentlemen.

     Well, I went to Busboys and Poets off of 5th and K in Northwest D.C., for open mic Wednesdays.  Although I didn't get a chance to recite any poetry, the vibe is overly exceptional.  The crowd was chilled and brought a very cool atmosphere in the room.  The poets were displaying their art in great fashion.  There was a sense of love and peace, and I definitely left BB&P feeling rejuvenated.  It's something about a group of people sharing their stories and emotions through poetry that shows me a side of appreciation that I love to experience.  So, here's where the food comes in: through a simple experience such as experiencing a small group of individuals who share a similar appreciation as you do can open the doors to learning how to appreciate living.


     What matters to you as an individual?  What makes the differences in your life that allow you to appreciate life in its entirety?  I stay up for hours a night just to answer questions like these so often, and I search within myself to find answers.  Many of my nights I end up writing a poem or a song, just to clear these very thoughts of what life offers, or what challenges life presents to me.  At the end of the night I come to realize that these questions should be right under my nose.  Then, I may answer the question with a question such as, "Shouldn't living matter to me," or "Aren't life experiences slowly allowing me to appreciate life?"  Now, I'm trying to dissect the very questions that I now have asked myself in detail, thinking about whether or not it's worth answering at the moment.  I tend to sleep on these questions very often and try and reroute my mental process until another time.


     Tonight gave me an answer to what matters to me.  The everyday blessings of living, breathing, and being able to focus on the task at hand are some of the things that matter to me.  The list of things that matter to me may be a lot longer than this, but some of the most important things that do matter to me are getting the opportunity to express myself, to love, and to help others  enhance their minds.  I feel that the little things become a vessel towards our future and our place in society in the future, ONLY if we can utilize our mind and pay attention to the details.  Another example would be knowing that you are deeply in love with making music, and yet, you only focus on recording and selling your music.  You can't forget that with music come process, and THEN with process come the progress.  Same applies to our goals, aspirations, thoughts, emotions, and overall-our lives.  If we don't pay attention to what matters to us in detail, then we may overlook some of the most important keys to opening up our minds and appreciating the blessings we have as a whole.


     Take the time and ask yourselves, "What really matters to you?"  This question, when we sit back and actually think, takes time to answer.  That's great if you have a lot to be appreciative for.  If you feel you have only a little bit to be thankful, then, pay attention to the value of the thought that you appreciate, and you may see that it's more valued than we interpret it to be.  It just takes a little looking into, and a little more effort, and the things that matter become so much more obvious to us.  Now, the next question to ask is, "How can I show my appreciation to things that matter?"  That's when we start making progression towards further our minds and becoming more appreciative of each life experience that we encounter.  Hey, to think, it all starts with what actually matters.

Love's Hard: The Good, Bad, and the Reality

June 18, 2012 - 2:15am

"I look at love in two ways- which are Life's Over Valued Experiences and Living On Valuing Everything."

     Personally, there's something about caring for a person that has the potential to make your bad day turn into an unimaginable day of bliss; someone who can bring the best out of you whenever you feel as if you aren't the person you want to be.  There's an amazing feeling that is presented to you when that person calls you just to greet you and check on you, or even to make sure you're okay.  I look at a significant other as an individual who compensates for the links that you were currently missing from your life- as you continue to become a better person individual day by day.  This phenomenal emotion called love isn't just relationship thing, it's a bonding with self that many people fail to piece together as well.  

     There's two different ways to view love.  Of course, there's a positive, and then, a negative way to see love.  One way to look at it is from a "Value what I choose" standpoint.  This way of looking at love brings some form of limitations to many relationships because, as humans, we only want to accept what we choose to in relationships.  If you are naive ignorant towards your own flaws and your own personal experiences, chances are, you won't go in a relationship with a full accepting and positive correcting attitude.  It'll take much more work to become a better lover, but first thing (besides the establishing of the foundation) is that you have to understand that it's possible to lose out due to not seeing within self.


     The other way to view love is with an open heart and open mind for life situations.  A person who understands more and is willing to learn more about life, although that person has struggled in his/her own life makes for a better universal lover.  The reason being is because that person will go into a relationship knowing that it takes effort to build from the ground up.  Even when it comes down to the mistakes or the faults of the individual, that person will be more open to correcting the mistakes he/she made for the betterment of the relationship.  If you can acknowledge that you aren't the only person in the world who goes through triumphs, tragedies, adversities, and life in general, it makes it much easier to make transitions in relationships.

     With those two views of love, now, the other point that has to be made is that LOVE IS NOT PERFECT.  That's the reality of love.  Many people are looking for the ideal relationship- the person of their dreams that can be dropped from Heaven by God as angelic creatures.  But, it definitely doesn't work that way, and I know we can only imagine what it would be like if it was that easy to gain love in that fashion.  It's effort, and building a foundation with guidelines that both people accept.  When we go into relationships underestimation what can be potentially, we may not be prepared for the relationship's ups and downs.  So, with that being said, be realistic, and bring the open minded ability to the mirror before the relationship can be full of love, because love is wholesome, not partial.  Like the wise say so many times, "You cannot love anyone if you don't fully love yourself."

Food For Thought pt. 1

July 17, 2012- 8:39pm

"Instead of focusing on the things that you've done wrong, and how you've done wrong, focus on what you can do to make the wrongs right."

     Last night, my brother and I had a brother bonding night, where we just talk about whatever is sitting on our minds.  One thing that was on my brother's mind was what he felt he was doing wrong (or just not being as effective as he could be).  He told me that he didn't know what was wrong with him, and was contemplating how talented he is as an individual.  Me being the older brother, and a person who also contemplates on specific characteristics within myself, I had to let him know what we're in need of- focusing on doing right.

      Think about it, I know that many altercations cause us to get in a state of mind in which we manage to doubt our abilities and our talents, and we always tend to question the problem instead of searching for the solutions behind it.  A prime example would be the idea of working out and not seeing your full results.  When you're training, your mindset is to complete the objectives within the workout in order to get to where you're physically trying to reach.  If you don't see the results within a certain time frame, it doesn't necessarily mean that you are not capable of reaching your goal.  Many of us have doubts with our faith that we can accomplish what we set out for. Then again, it's the questioning of what we're doing wrong with our decisions, set backs, and other mental dilemmas instead of gaining confidence in what we see going in the right direction.


     The mentality of an individual can hinder, or help, the attributes that we've acquired throughout our lifetime.  With the helping side, we look at the accomplishments and even the setbacks that we've had and make sure that we always progress forward.  We manage to pay attention to how a mistake was made in hopes to fully eliminate the thought of making that same mistake again.  However, with the doubt, we tend to push ourselves back even further than we would imagine, without even noticing the setbacks.  Later, we wonder exactly what happened that pushed us so far back from where we originally started.


     Another problem that we have is focusing on other people's successes and wondering how they got to where they are currently at in the time in which they accomplished their gained successes.  With that, it causes us to further question our own abilities and slowly set ourselves back.  In order to avoid that, we should continue to progress and make comparisons in the strengths and weaknesses of our fellow peers that are in good positions.  Eventually, our ability to get to where we see ourselves at will be well noticed.


     I speak on what I've embedded in my thoughts for so long, and I've come to realize that with certain obstacles, I've thought of only the thoughts and ideas I've had, and what I've done wrong.  It starts to take a negative toll on the mind, and therefore it pushes me further back than where I was previously.  So, to make a long story short, I explained to my brother that if we can focus on the goodness that we possess, not lose faith, the good will outweigh the bad, for sure.  I must also add that faith, is spiritual and also self-fulfilling as well.  So having faith that God should allow you to build faith and confidence in yourself as well.  In order to gain the ground that we sought after, look at how you progress, and enhance your progression.

Diversity: A Challenge in Itself

07/14/2012  3:02am

"We want equality, but how can we gain equality if we can't diversify?"
 
     I'm up really focusing on why I asked this question.  I ponder about so many different random ideas that are constantly beating against my brain; one question that continuously comes to mind is the question above.  We ask for the very things that we need, and yet, we can't work towards an agreement.  One of those very things that people as a whole ask for is equality.  Equality gives us all the options of being considered similar to many diverse people whether it's based on race, ethnic background, religious affiliation, sexual orientation, disabilities, or even financial status.  First question to ask when dealing with the idea of equality is "Where do I begin?"

     Think about the different situations that each individual goes through.  We already don't understand the individual's trial, tribulations, and road to success (or failure) that a person goes through.  I'll give you a scenario.  I have some homeboys that I met through my cousin in Memphis who are, or were previously gang affiliated.  Now, the first thing a person would say is that gang members are the reason why there is so much violence in the United States as we speak.  To an extent, someone who has been a product of their environment would agreee, depending on the events that happened in their lives.  Thus, this makes my point on individuals and accepting a largely diverse group of individual for who they are as people, and not to judge.  One of my homeboys is definitely an educated black man who's currently finishing up his school for his bachelor's degree.  The other homeboy is also educated and making major moves to promote music and other works while serving in the military.  To add, they are focusing on bettering the community through a group organization that is focusing on doing volunteer community service, teaching fundamentals of the web, music, and a variety of other events whenever the opportunity is given.

    Each individual has a story that led them to the direction and path that they are presently on.  And with diversity, it allows us to take in the good, the bad, and the ugly, and try and better it for the best interest of the whole community.  Problems within diversity problems exist because of the lack of understanding between each community.  I feel that mentally, those who lack intelligence towards the social aspect of unity may be a major factor in moving forward.  Experiences butt heads in the fight to bring equality and justice simply because what one man experiences, another man may not.  It causes a culture shock within subcultures and isn't thoroughly explained to many of these cultures.  However, I believe that understanding overall can be accomplished.

Before I hit the shut eye, I want to present the question that I believe we all should ask ourselves- "How can I make it more equal?"  It doesn't take five minutes to correct or break personal bad habits, so it definitely wouldn't take a day to restructure the minds of societies.  I believe with this question, we get a change to observe ourselves differently and therefore look at our personal tolerance level towards diversification.  We will then know what we need to correct within ourselves in order to move forward towards future progress that focuses on equality here, and abroad.

So, I've Been Told: Friendzone

July 12, 2012  2:31am

"In my female friends' minds, I'm always the ideal boyfriend on that emotional level."

     The worse feeling in a friendship with the opposite sex is being put in the most uncomfortable position of being a "great friend" to that female, and nothing more.  I think about situations in the past where I've known my homeboys to be put in the circle that is virtually impossible to penetrate.  This is a circle that, if you're put in, you're more than likely going to stay in it due to fears and uncertainty.  This circle I'm referring to is what everyone calls, "The Friend Zone".


     Now, every dude had a moment where they were digging one of their home girls that they would chill with on a consistent basis.  She would be the chick that he could talk to, treat like one of the fellas, and be able to go out in public and be as fun and outgoing towards without any regrets about obnoxiousness.  There becomes a connection between him and her, and for a while, he just doesn't want to react to it, simply because, he thinks that she might not go for the chance to date him. It's rare to get an opportunity to date a friend that you know well, and that you have some kind of connection with personally and in depth.  But, when the guy decides to go in for the kill, it comes to an abrupt halt.  She hits him with, "I don't want to mess up what we have", or "I like you, as a 'friend'", and it automatically backfires. 


     See, the worse thing about being in the friend zone is that they always see themselves with someone like their "best friend", and yet, the dude is never the person that they see themselves with.  He can have all the qualities that they've looked for in a man, and somehow, he still don't meet the requirements.  How is it possible that two people click the way they do, and never be in a relationship.  Here's a few reasons why that happens:




1. FEAR OF LOSING A FRIEND- She doesn't want to take the risk of losing a friend, but wants to maintain a friendship she knows she won't lose.


2. SHE IS UNCERTAIN WITH HERSELF- She's looking for specific types of guys, and instead of having faith that she'll get what is necessary for her, she continues to react and attract all the wrong types of guys.


3. PHYSICAL FEATURES/TOO MANY WANTS- Everything that she's looking for physically in a guy, isn't in the guy that is her friend.




     When situations like that happen, it's simple.  She's looking for the guy to be the ideal man she is looking for, and still be a friend to her.  That's why the conversations about her failed relationships come to his ears.  When she cries, it's usually with him on the other end.  When she's mad, he's the one that can calm her down and put a smile on her face.  With these in mind, I've accepted that role.


     Now, the reason why I put myself in the friend zone is because, I can express the things I would do, how I would treat her, how well things are going for me, what's not going well for me, past emotions, and other situations that I've been in.  BUT, here's how I feel about putting myself in the friend zone.  I feel that it can actually help you better relationships with your good friend that you had feelings for, and use it to the best of your advantage at the RIGHT time.  Truth is, when you know your woman, and are her best friend, lover, ears, pillow to sleep on, tissue to blow her nose, those relationships are so much more healthier than growing into a relationship.  Plus, you get to prove that you are a better person and that you won't leave her hanging although the decisions she made aren't what you agree on.


     I feel that I've put myself in the friend zone for a long time basically because I felt that with certain friends I had no chance with.  Now, I've grown to understand that you know who you can challenge yourself to choose and get, and then, you can step back and just understand women through your friends.  Either way, you can always gain something from your experiences.

Lost Souls: Faith vs. Belief

July 13, 2012 3:32am
 
"The craziest war I've paid close attention to was not based off of money, but more so, based off the belief of one thing, and the disagreement between one another."


     One thing I can say is that as we gain knowledge, we tend to see many things differently.  I see many different individuals, have a diversified group of close friends, and tend to look into what people experienced in their lives.  However, one of the most difficult subjects to actually speak on is religion and beliefs.  Because there have been many beliefs and knowledge passed around from region to region.  Religion, from the knowledge of past and present historians, teachers, pastors, and religious leaders is something that has been taught and passed down to the next individual.  There are a few things that can be agreed upon, and then, there's a clash between who's right and who's wrong. 

     Morality is one thing that can be agreed on with the major religions of the world, which is Judaism, Christianity, and Islam.  Sin is the wrong, and understanding and growing in God is what's sought after.  Personally, I was born a Christian and raised in a African Methodist Episcopal church.  I have a lot of Christian friends, but I also have Muslim friends as well. With conversation with my good friend [sister], who is a Muslim, we've had discussions about what she sees as different between the religions.  She can only name the prophet Muhammad not being recognized in the Bible, and not really major differences.  I had the same discussion with another one of my good friends about the differences and he said truthfully, there isn't much of a difference besides the fact that the Quran is an extended version of the Bible.  In all, I had to look into the Quran myself.

     Thinking of the age of each religion, I've looked into what each religion provided specifically for the people of their respective faith.  I've noticed that the Torah is the stories from the very beginning, the Holy Bible is an extension of the Torah, which adds the New Testament and the stories of Jesus Christ, who is proclaimed "Son of Man" and the "Son of God" throughout the Bible.  The Holy Quran is the extension of the Bible, and explains in detail the stories that are also in the Bible as well as explanation the role of the Prophet Muhammad.  In all, the religions are all tied somehow.

     Now, here's the struggle between what the past teaches us and what the present presents to us.  That, with the knowledge of where your beliefs come from comes understanding that right is right and wrong is wrong.  With morality and the studying of a person's specific belief system, it's hard to accept what another person believes simply because we were trained to believe that what we know is all we know.  The problem with that is that we close our minds to seek the truth within what each religion really has to offer.  For example, as a Christian, we were trained to pray to Jesus Christ, and repent and ask for Salvation.  The difficult part of being faithful is that we forget the message behind what we were called to do.  Now, if we are fixated on our own personal mission, we tend to become stubborn and closed minded about the other faiths that incorporate the faith in God as a key.  Islam and Judaism have belief in one God as well as Christianity, and even with Polytheistic religions that aren't considered major religions, we've become judgmental and started to look down at individuals who don't share the same beliefs as ourselves.  That's where a lot of conflicts start happening.

     I believe that God has a plan devised for each individual that is suitable for their life, challenges and triumphs included.  We make mistakes, and one mistake is not taking the time to understand "why" and "what" makes us different as far as religion is concerned.  We can learn from each other and further enhance our understanding of ourselves.  I think that it takes a toll on society when we close ourselves up without fulling knowing potentials of other people and closing the book without even getting a chance to read the person's story.  I was taught, don't read a book by its cover, and I've focused on the bigger picture.  Hopefully, we can open our minds to become more effective on the calling and blessings we are presented with as we go forward in life.  At the end of the day, if you believe in faith, then faith will allow you to see a deeper side of yourself that you've never knew.  Ultimately, don't allow differences in religion to stop you from understanding for yourself.